“I’m not motivated”
This is one of the top 5 issues my clients bring to me. When they say it I sense a very low energy, guilt, sadness, longing, and in the worst cases, shame and desperation. They feel like they are missing out on life, not getting around to doing the things that will bring them the most joy and satisfaction in life. They feel like they are missing out on being the best version of themselves.
What makes matters even worse, the more effort they put into becoming motivated, the more often they wind up falling short, exhausted, and disappointed in themselves. Ouch.
Is this your practice, too?
My hand goes up for having tried this way of approaching goals. But it only works temporarily at best. Somehow those bigger goals remain unattainable, and you seem to feel more and more overwhelmed as time passes. After awhile, just the thought of going after what you want is so energetically depleting that you decide to throw in the towel. You convince yourself that your goals are just not accessible to you. You grab the stamp and put it on your forehead, it says, “I’m not motivated.”
Are you creating a negative energy field around your heart’s most precious ambitions in life?
Yeah, I was too. What happens is the mind begins to consider your ambitions to be a source of great emotional pain and will do all it can to keep you from experiencing that pain. But the amazing news is we can turn that all around pretty quickly!
Story time! If you’re not into stories, skip down below for the 5 ways to tap into the flow of your incredible life force energy - or as we call it, MOTIVATION!
My twin sister and artist, Nichole Yanota, gifted me this for my office and I will cherish it always.
The Bodybuilder
Meet Bryn, an ectomorph, which means she has a natural setback to overcome in the way of gaining muscle mass. But that’s not going to stop her. She marks her calendar, “training begins!” and off she goes toward chasing her goal of becoming a bodybuilder. Bryn hits the gym every day, like clockwork, she pulls herself from her bed and is there by 5am each morning. Because Bryn is charging full steam ahead and realizes she’ll have to work harder than most, she decides to work out 7 days a week.
At first things are going swimmingly. She sees physical changes in her body and the definition in her arms is making her look like someone who actually works out. She’s excited to see how her effort is creating fast results.
After about a month, her alarm sounds and she sleeps through it for 10 minutes before coming to. “No pain, no gain,” Bryn stares at herself in the mirror, flexes her growing muscles for inspiration, then takes an extra cup of coffee for the road. As she’s racking her plates, she notices her arms are shaking. She mentally presses on and attempts her normal workout. This time, her body refuses. Her heart sinks. Bryn looks around the room at all the other women who are lifting even more than her – and it looks so effortless.
After two more weeks, her body is sore all the time and she’s having trouble sleeping. Although she’s made some strength gains, her body has not changed much. In fact, she’s even lost a little weight and body mass. Bryn has a long history of pushing past stopping points, and society rewards her, especially at work and as a mother of two kids. She’s used to things taking hard work and she’s skilled at powering through even when she’s not at her best. Her approach to bodybuilding is exactly the same, and now she can’t figure out why she’s failing.
When friends and family ask her how her training is going, she perks up and adds an artificial smile, “Rocking it, I can’t wait for my first competition!” Bryn secretly feels embarrassed to reveal her physical challenges. She gets down on herself when no one’s around and feels afraid that all of her hard work was for nothing. The worst part is having to admit she failed and the resulting humiliation she will feel when people find out. She begins to feel stupid for even wanting to become a bodybuilder. Eventually, she’s so defeated, she chalks it up to her body type. “I’m an ectomorph, what was I thinking?” Her conclusion is that her goal is just not accessible to her, a belief that can run deep in many of us.
What is it that you feel is not accessible to you? Your answer can be extremely revealing, showing you exactly who is driving the bus in your life. Bryn did what most of us dream of doing, actually going for it with everything we’ve got. But what was missing?
So, think of how you’ve treated your mind (or yourself) as you consider reaching your goals. It’s possible that it’s exactly the same as what Bryn did to her body. Pressing the gas pedal and not letting up until you crash. We ask so much of ourselves, but what do we give in return? Here are some tips for avoiding the crash and burn. Make goal setting, and the entire process of going for what you want, as pleasurable as possible! If you make it a punishment, you will unconsciously do all you can to avoid it.
Motivation Flow Practice
Rest – It’s not a race. I know everyone’s in a hurry, stress can be fuel, etc. But seriously, when’s the last time you took a day off to do absolutely nothing? I mean nothing - not even scrolling through social media, not trying to read all the books you’ve stacked on your nightstand - absolutely nothing. Taking scheduled time out to rest can recharge your mind and give you the next powerful burst of positive energy to take action. Lower the mental pressure, let up on the gas pedal for a day or two, and see for yourself what happens next!
Revise – Take a look at your to-do list. Now flip the page over and write down the easiest, most inviting, manageable, ridiculously winnable next step. Get flirtatious with it, this item should be a total gimme. If you’re feeling like you need to write the first chapter of your new novel, then this task might be to name your Word file. Seriously, make it that tiny. Martha Beck calls these “turtle steps” and it’s an incredible way to make your to-do list a friendly guide rather than a daunting tyrant. Reach for your goals in a way that feels like PLAY!
Resources – If you can get your mind quiet enough, you might begin to notice all the support and contacts you have at your freaking fingertips. Take a few moments to consider or jot down all of the ways reaching your goal could be easy, rather than improbable. Talk it through with a friend if inner work is not your thing. Process out loud through discussion and brainstorm the ways that reaching your goal is already in motion for you. You have the creativity and resources already, it’s just a matter of paying attention and not always putting everything on your shoulders. Don’t reinvent the wheel because of the limiting belief that you’re in it alone. Ask for help, ask for ideas, look for mentors, find inspiration, reach out, get yourself out of your comfort zone, be transparent about where you’re at! The limiting belief, “I should be further along than I am,” will only sink you. Avoid the pitfall of “compare and despair.” Comparing yourself and your accomplishments to other people’s is a sure fire way to find yourself drooling on the floor and thinking “that’ll never be me, I’m so far behind!”
Reward – When you complete a “turtle step” then celebrate! It’s important to offer the mind positive reinforcement when it performs the way we want it to. If you complete a turtle step and then think to yourself, “big deal, look at all this other stuff, I’m so far from my goal!” then you’re teaching your mind to act against you. Reward your mind for achieving small steps! Make a big stink out of it, summon up as much joy and delight as you can! Dance around and wave your hands in the air, make fists and say, “YES, I am the BOSS!” You are now one step closer to where you want to be. This step is really crucial – acknowledge yourself deeply for doing good work.
Respect – Monitor your thinking. Notice your attitude toward yourself, your goal, and your approach. Are you able to honor your own pace and process? Or do you constantly rip yourself apart, setting higher and higher expectations, and continually feeling that you’re not good enough? This step can be especially hard for those who consider themselves perfectionists. Striving for perfection, in my humble opinion, symbolizes a person who is suffering from deep insecurity, emotional pain, and desperately seeking outside validation. You could also say this about people who call themselves competitive. Yes, even if “I’m only competitive with myself.” What that tells me is that you’re most likely an unforgiving a-hole to yourself. I’m happy to be proven wrong! Point is, it’s time to up the level of respect. Don’t entertain or believe negative thoughts about your personality, your intelligence, your progress. Keep the respect level high, consider your journey sacred, and take as much pleasure as you can as you go through your one and only life.